going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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