I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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