I wanna passion pit in your ass
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
