i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
