Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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