I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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