I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
