Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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