i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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