Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
