Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
