You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
