I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
