In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
