Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
