Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
