Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
