I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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