I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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