if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
