Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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