Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
