Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
