I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
