i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
