Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
