and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
plz talk dirty to me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
