i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
babies were throwing up all over the place
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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