then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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