He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
