I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
