What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
