Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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