on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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