i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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