im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
