you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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