all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
