Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
