i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
