he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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