I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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