what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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