Michael Bay diarrhea
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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