my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
