He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
