i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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