$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
