Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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