FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
