I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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