omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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